I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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