Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Who put my cat in the fridge?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
