I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize