I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
