Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
