now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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