she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
