yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
