For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
