we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
