I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize