none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
