I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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