Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
