I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
if only i could text you this smell
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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