what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
