Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
