Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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