The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
