You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
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I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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