Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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