you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we're making bets on your personal life
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
