"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
