Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
