I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
