man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
