Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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