Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
