That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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