No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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