just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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