Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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