I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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