Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
