Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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