We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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