This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
