so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
