Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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