She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
