I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
