Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize