This dress was meant to end up on your floor
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
