U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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