i think i have two assholes
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
