remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
