I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
