btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
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I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
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Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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