I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
