Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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