this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
