Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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