i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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