you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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