If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
