So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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