I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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