why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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