and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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