I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
