who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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