I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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