Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
