Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
