Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
