so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
