I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
