Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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