Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
