He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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