moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
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I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
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I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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