he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
