God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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