tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Can I color on your dick again?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
